NOAH.WHAT PRESENTS

Useless
Calculator™

Calculations you never needed.

🦆

Duck Capacity

Find out how many ducks could theoretically fit inside your room.

🏃

Can I Outrun It?

Compare your running speed against something that probably shouldn't be racing you.

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Bread Calculator

Determine how much bread you apparently need to survive.

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Procrastination Calculator

Find out how long you'll avoid doing the thing you actually need to do.

⏰

Am I Late?

Find out if you're early, on time, or completely cooked.

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Shower Thought Calculator

Calculate how many completely unnecessary thoughts you'll have in the shower.

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Car → Pigeons

Find out how many pigeons your car is apparently worth.

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NPC Calculator

Find out how much of an NPC you apparently are.

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Braincell Calculator

Calculate how many braincells are currently operational.

CALCULATOR #001

How many ducks fit in your room?

Enter your room dimensions below.

CALCULATOR #002

Can you outrun it?

Enter your running speed and choose your opponent.

CALCULATOR #003

How much bread do you need?

Because apparently this is something we need to calculate.

CALCULATOR #004

How long will you procrastinate?

Because apparently avoiding your work needs to be calculated.

CALCULATOR #005

Am I Late?

Enter when you need to arrive and how long it takes you to get ready and travel.

CALCULATOR #006

How many shower thoughts?

Because apparently we need to scientifically measure what happens in the shower.

CALCULATOR #007

How many pigeons is your car worth?

Because apparently cars and pigeons now share an economy.

CALCULATOR #008

How much of an NPC are you?

Answer a few extremely scientific questions to find out.

CALCULATOR #009

How many braincells do you have?

A highly questionable test of your current braincell supply.